ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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