Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
