It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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