Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
