It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
