Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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