You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
