Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
