is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
