nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
