Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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