After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
