Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
