I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
