So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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