did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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