Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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