I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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