I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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