"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
