I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
