I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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