I think I am morally bankrupt
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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