I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
