Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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