and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
