she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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