I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
