God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
