those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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