I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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