Your dad touched me again.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize