my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
