it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
