The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
