You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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