on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why are your pants in the freezer?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
