We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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