But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
