All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
