just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
