His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
