I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
