I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize