apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
