I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
