Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
