Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
