the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We left the knife in your bed.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
