that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
