Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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