I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
