yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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