Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize