i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize