The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize