While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize