You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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