how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
