hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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