what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Be still, my beating vagina.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
