The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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