Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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