he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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