I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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